There’s a plot, kind of, but don’t waste your time trying to follow it because it’s just a thinly veiled excuse to blow things up and show gorgeous people in gorgeous clothes and various stages of undress. Yes, in the sense that Channing Tatum roller blades in anti gravity boots and fights an alien space dragon-dinosaur soldier while everything in the background explodes. No, in the sense that it was relentlessly derivative, totally soapy, had some god-awful lines, a plot that frankly never did make much sense, and characters that had very little development and when they did develop it was in peculiar ways. RHG and I (CarrieS) saw Jupiter Ascending and we are here to tell you that it is just terrible and we loved every batshit minute of it.
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